Random Ramblings.......

I cannot figure out why I tend to place so little value on things that I enjoy. I guess I think that if I enjoy something, it must be a waste of time. Instead of doing that which I enjoy, and realizing the value of it, I think I should be cleaning, vacuuming, doing laundry, etc. It's something that I really need to work on.

For instance, I spent an hour with my mother this morning. Yes, I know, she's been gone since 1978. 30 long years. Sometimes I wonder at the fact that I've survived this long without her. How did I get through college? And children? And life??

Anyways, I spent an hour this morning going over letters that she had written to her mother-in-law through the years. I was organizing them and making sure that I had them all typed and saved on the computer. There are about 25 letters covering 20 years of my family from 1952 (Waaaaay before I was born!) until 1972. I'm sure there must have been more letters, but I am grateful for the ones I have. It is a real insight into the raising of our family. I am able to read about her adventures with her husband and children. I can feel her close to me during those times.

Yet......I have a grandchild clambering for breakfast and a mountain of laundry, and other chores waiting....and I feel guilty for hoarding this time together, just me and my mom. So, reluctantly, I set it aside. I know that hungry children can't wait, but letters from so long ago can wait for another day.

Sometimes, though, I want to be selfish. I want to set aside the children instead of my projects. Not that I have a lot of projects, but maybe I would if I had more time. I feel such a pull toward family history. I want to have time to quilt and maybe refinish furniture and read a book. But maybe, for now, the children are my project. Maybe my time is better spent right now pouring cereal and reading Dr. Seuss.

And maybe this better explains my search for the empty nest.