Christmas Spirit........

(Yes, this is my actual Christmas tree, a little sad, I know, but lots of good memories come with those handcrafted ornaments! And I'm more about preserving memories than having a 'Martha Stewart' tree)

I'm having a really weird Christmas season this year. Lots of mood swings. One day I love Christmas, the next I'm depressed about it. Here are a few of my issues:

My Christmas tree:

I love Christmas trees. I have always loved Christmas trees. They make my happy. I love to sit in the quiet darkness of the late evening or early morning and just look at the lights. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and sometimes I get a little nostalgic thinking about Christmases past.

We always get a 'real' Christmas tree. We've talked about getting an artificial one, but the kids always protest. 'It's not the same!', 'It won't smell like Christmas!', etc. I'm sure you're familiar with the arguments against artificial trees.

Yet, as I get older, I'm leaning more and more toward an artificial tree. I mean, really, who likes vacuuming up pine needles until Easter? Because no matter how many times I vacuum I can NEVER get them all up. And while I do love the smell of a 'real' tree, I'm starting to feel guilty.....It has occurred to me that all I'm really doing is keeping the tree on life support until I'm done with it. It's been cut down! It has no chance of recovery. Yet I water it, and take care of it like there might be some hope of saving it. All I'm really doing is prolonging the agony until I'm through with it, the season is over, and I can 'pull the plug'. Then it sits in my backyard firepit until it's dryed out enough for Peter to torch it. (This is Peter's favorite thing about Christmas trees. They go up in flames in about 20 seconds. It never gets old for him, he even collects trees from our neighbors for more 'flammable fun'. We usually end up burning 3-4 trees every year.)

Christmas music:

Every year as Thanksgiving rolls around and the Christmas music starts to play on the radio I have to smile. I love those first few strains of 'White Christmas' and 'Jingle Bell Rock'. I get that warm, fuzzy feeling again, and smile to myself. I love listening to Burl Ives, Bing Crosby, Kenny Loggins and even the new Barry Manilow Christmas song. (my personal newest favorite!)

There are times when Christmas music makes me feel whole and happy, like all is right with the world. I even love, love, love the Chipmunks Christmas song because it brings me right back to my childhood Christmases when all WAS right with the world.

But then I hear Elvis's 'Blue Christmas', or 'Grandma got run over by a reindeer' or 'Santa, Baby' or Dean Martin or some Country music 'has been' or someone else who really, really has NO BUSINESS singing Christmas songs and it makes me cringe. They should have a radio station that only plays what I want to hear. (Oh, wait, maybe that's why they invented CD's.)

Christmas presents:

I love presents. I love seeing them piled up under the tree. I love the anticipation they create, the excitement, the curiousity, the pure joy of wonder. I love searching and finding 'the gift', you know, 'the gift', the one thing that you just know they will love. The elusive perfect gift. It's so fun to know that THAT gift is under the tree. You know it, and they don't. I love to see the kids look at the presents, find their name on it, and speculate. I love doing it myself. I can't wait to see what treasures my kids have picked out for me this year. Will I get the malted milk balls I love so much? The chocolate covered pretzels? What fun, fun things might be waiting for me under that tree?

But, really, I hate shopping. I have always hated shopping. I never go to the mall. When my kids were little, they thought that Santa lived at the mall because the ONLY time we ever went there was to see Santa at Christmas time. Even now, when someone needs new shoes, or clothes, or even when I need groceries, my plan is 'get in, get out'. I don't want to linger, wander, and window shop. And I really hate it when I can't find or even think of 'the perfect gift'. I hate not knowing what to get someone. This year, it's Joe. I can tell you this because I know he never reads my blog. I have NO EARTHLY IDEA what to get my husband for Christmas!! He's one of those guys who, when he wants or needs something, he goes out and buys it. He has everything he needs and I am really at a loss. My Christmas shopping is done, but for Joe. (Any ideas here would REALLY be appreciated!)

Christmas Cards:

Again, some love and some loathing. I love hearing from those people that I only hear from one time a year. I love the Christmas newsletter from my Aunt Pearl, to hear that, at age 86, she is STILL waterskiing and loving life! I love to hear from my step-mother's Aunt Helen. She is a kind, loving, gentle woman that just oozes comfort. (the woman MAKES her own caramels!! What's not to love!) I also love hearing from my friends and family far away. It reminds me of the love we share and the family that we are.

What bugs me about Christmas cards are the bogus newsletters that some people send out. 'My little Tommy got all A's on his report card!' or 'I made 5,000 cookies for the homeless' or 'We won the lottery this year and retired to a villa in the south of France!'......you get the idea. Whatever, people!! Get real! Tell me what's really going on in your life. Tell me about the lost job, or the kid who failed the 7th grade. Life is not a Christmas newsletter!! I know that we like to share the good things with each other, but if we're really friends, shouldn't we share the other things, too? I, for one, like to know that I'm not alone in my troubles. Yet, when I read some of these Christmas newsletters, that's just how I feel. I must be doing something wrong if my kid doesn't get all A's, or I neglected to donate my entire life savings to those less fortunate, or if my life isn't perfect.

Despite the fact that my Christmas spirit comes and goes, I really do love the Christmas Season. And being that there's really not much time left to revel in it, I guess I'd better quit wasting time complaining and jump in with both feet!! So, Merry Christmas to you and yours, and I hope you all have a GREAT Holiday Season!!